World Hunger is Going Down

My choices are suddenly wrong
I never fit in
I never belong
I've tried to get you to see the way that I'll always be
but you just turn your back on my ideas
on the world that I see
There are people hurting everywhere that need our help it's true
though none of it matters
at least not to you
If I could change the world with just a wish or a seed
there would never be another who'd go without
or be in need
and yet I'm the one who can't afford to pay for a meal
but I want to help change others' lives
because to me it's a big deal
yet constantly you're saying that I should give up and quit
but honestly that's not my style
I can't separate myself from the heart of it
Yes I am a poor soul who's often lost in the crowd
but I feel I am to be a force
a voice for those who can't bring themselves to be loud
I am weak and I'm afraid of the choices yet to come
but I am strong in the belief that I will watch this crisis come undone
Just by wearing a whistle I have inspired many who want to stop the Congolese peoples' fall
but that doesn't matter to you not one bit
maybe not at all
I could give up cosplay, snacks, even give up on breathing air
but you still wouldn't listen
you still wouldn't care
and yet here I stand before begging for just a chance to show
that there are people hurting
some may even be people that you know
If you would just open your heart instead of being stuck inside your ways
then maybe you would try and make a difference
that would help someone in need for many days
Now I've said what I have been trying to say for the years that I've been around
the time to act is now
World Hunger is going down

Venting

So this is how it's going to be
You don't think it's right so I can't have what I've worked to achieve
You were the one who was pushing me to do what I always wanted
You were the one who set this whole thing into motion
but now my decisions are wrong
Because we have had trouble in the past I didn't want to tell you the truth
Because I knew it was a risk I was scared to do what was already seen as okay
It's not that I'm mad but you don't understand
It's not that I don't see where you're coming from but I think that we'll be fine
You're worried that we won't be able to handle being on our own
that we won't be able to survive because of one little thing that I think will make the whole situation more bearable
Why can't you just listen to me
Why can't you just take a second to let me explain
If you just saw things through my eyes, then maybe you wouldn't be so quick to judge
This isn't your battle anymore
You're going to have to accept it eventually
Why not now?

The Distance Between

I am a phigment of someone's imagination given life, given breath.

I have a name now, but I didn't back then.

There is a distance in me between who I am and what I am.

I am emotionally distraught.

I am unstable.

I am not able to stand alone.

The distance prevents me from becoming who I want to be.
But the distance doesn't change me.
It is a challenge that must be overcome.
It is something that most will not understand, but that the select few will realize was there all along.
I was a thought, a dream, now I am a reality.
But there will forever be a distance between the real me and the me that everyone else sees.

It's been a Long Time Coming

Alright, so I remember last year saying that I was going to update this a lot more and I realize that I haven't but I've been super busy with life. That's not the point though and you should know that I am going to post from now on. I just have to remember to do so.

Are you all still following me?
Are you even still out there?

Wow, I've been gone a while...This blog needs some updating.

I can't say that I know exactly why I stopped posting. It could be that I lost track of time, or that the days began to run together, or that my family, (those that reside in the house which I currently live in), just got bigger, like eight people now live here bigger. I've tried posting, but the inspiration just wasn't there, that was until today when I read the most amazing thing in my life, posted by one of my best friends who has become my sister.

I'll be updating the blog frequently from now on, even though I technically only have three people who even care what's written here. *tears* However, those people...you've held onto this for a while and I must appologize that I haven't written when I have so much to say. Look for more posts to come soon and remember...just because I don't post right away, doesn't mean that I don't care.

As always thanks for believing in me.

Sorry, I just disappeared.

My mind lately is like a jumbled mess, full of paths and roads that make no sense and lead nowhere. I'm not sure exactly where to go or what to do, which path leads where and what one I should follow so I am uterly confused.

No doubt that it's been a while since I've posted on this blog. I mean, it's been a few days at the most since the last post, but can you tell the jump between that one and the one before it? It's not because I don't have time, because I do, but because everything is so busy now and I'm constantly forgetting that people have a right to know what's going on too.

You're not mad at me right? For not posting, for forgetting about our world that we've created here?

Rebellion

Human right dictates that we are free, that the government does not get to decide who we are, yet day by day our rights are encroached upon. The government believes that it owns it's people, that they belong to it and it al one and that they can take away from those people, take away their creativity, take away their control, their freedom. Someone needs to stop it. Someone needs to start a rebellion.

Pride

I have a lot of pride and when I feel threatened that kind of shows. No, I don't think it's my appearnace that I'm prideful of, but maybe it's because of my ideas. I create things, wonderful things, recycled things, repurposed things, things that express my personality, and no-one understands.

People want to know why I can be so quiet, it's not because I don't have anything to say, but becasue no-one will listen. What can I say? Nothing will make them see that they're wrong. So why even try? Why even give them the satisfaction of watching me fail?

They don't know me. They don't understand. They judge before they see any potential hidden beneath the surface. Sometimes they only see the surface like how pretty or how smart someone is, but they don't really know the person, regardless of what they think they know.

Are We Who We Think We Are, Or Something More, Something Darker Still?

To say that human race is just that would be an understatement. The human race, though it has it's flaws, is much more interesting than the simple term of human can proclaim. In all truth, though humans are corrupt and at times vile, they share a common knowledge that sets them apart from the other inhabitants of the world that they reside on.

Know this, humans are nothing if they are not crafty and at times wise beyond their meager years. A hundred years does not even begin to justify what one will find if they dig beneath the surface of the human skin, a hundred years does not even give the time it would take to understand their conscious minds, not to mention the ever lurking subconscious that many seem to grasp their flawed understanding of each other's conditions from.

But to understand one's condition one must look at their own. To see another's perspective is to learn from one's own perspective to begin with. Only then can one truly analyze another being.

The human soul is what sets them apart from those of other inhabitants of the earth, because a human chooses whether or not to have a soul in their own words though only their creator knows for sure what each was gifted with, not the individual humans themselves.

That is to say what other races, other inhabitants perceive each other differently. The questions are limitless.

Does a human have a soul or not? Do they think about their actions after they commit them? Are they essencially good, or evil? These are questions that only the individual humans themselves can answer.

Problems in Society Part One

All my life I've been dreaming of doing something amazing, of doing something more with my life yet I do nothing because I'm unsure of how to do it, when, and what the right thing to do truly is.

I realize people all over the world are sufering andnobody does anything to help them, they only care about themselves. I believe that this needs to change.

Here in America people are suffering, hungry, homeless, they look for sympathy and yet they find none because people push them away.

What if the situation was reversed? Would you think differently?

Why Me?

You've probably seen someone like me before, in school, at work, the person who sits all by themself until a huge group of people join them, those they call their friends, but people who barely know them, a notebook and pen in hand, that's me. You don't notice me until it's too late and then you feel guilty about it because you think that there's something you could have done, some way you could have made me realize that the world isn't out to get me, but the thing is, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. The world is full of people who seek only to harm others for their amusement. It's full of liars and those of us with a spark of hope, we're the ones who are targetted, named as traitors, deviants, people who are better left alone.

Time seems to have stopped around me. I've looked the same for over a hundred years. In pictures I'm usually in the back or the one face you can't put a name to, but you know who they are, you know who I am.

I'm the person who goes off by themself, usually to cry, other times because they think the world looks down on them, despises them for who they are or for what they can do. Truth is I never wanted sympathy. I just wanted to understand. Why me? Why out of all the people in the world...why choose me?

I Can Change the World

I seek to change the world.

Our world is corrupt mostly because it's people believe that it is their to control, that its resources are theirs to do with as they please, that they can destroy whatever they please, kill whatever they please, and that there will be no punishment for such actions.

Those people are wrong.

The world does not belong to anyone, the resources are not to be controlled by humans whose own lives are so severely Short that their actions will effect not one of their own generation but generations after them until it is no longer an inhabitable place. they destroy to begin anew or so they say when they tear down vital ecostystems to build un-needed buildings, muti-million, even billion dollar homes, or factories that not only choke the world but destroy it's natural sense of balance and order as well. They kill because they believe that animals and even other people are beneath them when all were created equal as stated both in the bible and in the constitution.

The punishment for such actions is death, mostly byt heir own means beacuse once the world is destroyed, ti's resources gone, humanity is screwed.

So what are people going to do about it?

What am I going to do about it?

I feel like I could show them if they only took the time to see what I was doing or hear what I'm trying to say. Maybe then there would be hope for this corrupted land where humanity rules and all others pay the price.

I feel that if I speak out I will be condemned, seen as a deviant to their ways, but if I don't the world will suffer even more at their hands.

I'm only one person, but I have to believe that I can change the world.

The bond between me and music

Music. Divine giver of breath. Echo of hope. A light in any storm or any shred of darkness. It is the only thing that used to matter. It was something that forced my very mind to react...my very consciousness to focus on the one thing that I could understand out of the chaos that surrounded me. It was my one escape.

When I felt lost in the world I turned to music to brighten the endless night. When I was alone it was my only companion. When I was broken it was the only thing that could put the pieces back together. Music rescued me from my depression.

-Shattered_Reality

Draw my World

The world is full of darkness and so am I. The world is full of light and so I reside in it. I draw the world as I see it and yet, it remains unchanged. The same. So what do you do when the world that you know and the world that you see are two different things? Does one paint or draw the world that they know or the world that they see?

I pick the world that I know. It may be different and it may not make much sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me and though they see the world through different eyes, I see it the way that it is represented in my mind. Half of the world is dark, half of it is light but it is up to the viewer to decide which is which.

-Shattered_Reality

Unknown

There are questions without answers and answers that have nothing to do with the questions. However, if we do not ask we'll never know the answers that matter most. The thing is that we ofted fear what is unknown. We do not take the time to actually wonder if the unknown is actually a benefit to us.

-Shattered_Reality

Feelings of Lesser Existance

Sometimes I feel as if I am nothing, nobody, a being without a name. The world stays it's course and continues on it's way. Everyone moved on, taking their different paths around me. I feel invisible and though my introverted nature makes me enjoy my solitude when I can get it , my thoughts often are too much for me, myself, to bear. Sometimes I hunger for the very thing I try to avoid. So how does it balance out? How can you have both?

-Shattered_Reality

Night Glimmer

We are a glimmer in the night, as if a fallen star into the dark abyss. It is the abyss filled by hatred, woe , and strife, and yet we stare into it with the purest of hopes, that finding something would make us once again all-together whole.

Through this abyss we find that life is a road with many branches, many paths which we may take though so many lead to our own destruction. We find that the road and it's paths are marked with the brambles of our uncertainty.

This is where we often encounter our greatest enemy though we often find that our greatest enemy is ourself. No greater enemy do we find in this world or any other than the face in the mirror.

-Shattered_Reality

Why?

I have sat here countless days and waited in the silence while others play their games and still they all look upon me like I am nothing more than a shadow on the wall, than something they should not see and yet I am still here.

I have been the one who was tossed aside and the one pushed away. I have been the one that no-one wanted. So, I am the one that was discarded.

This is what happens when on forsakes the life they once chose to live. This is what happens when someone walks away from everything they once chose to love just to try and live a new life, but no, that new life isn't good enough for them either because they realize that it is exactly the same, following the exact same pattern as the one before it. So, you see someone like me cannot get away from the hatred and the aloneness that comes with being the way that I am. I would rather reside with a small group of friends or alone rather than be the center of attention in this to be mortal world. Why?

I am afraid. I am afraid to speak my mind because others will look down upon me. I am afraid to do what I love in front of other people because I am sure that they will soon learn to hate me for my talents and I am afraid that I will never be strong enough to fight back when someone decides to force me into the fall.

-Shattered_Reality

Numb

What do you do when your heart feels like it's breaking every second of every day and not because of the relationship that you're in, because that's great, but because of everything you face in the world, the opposition, and the hatred?

It's like nothing matters when you feel like the world is falling apart around you, when you feel like your world is a painting painted on a thin sheet of glass that has been shattered into millions of tiny fragments that no one will ever be able to put back together and when there finally seems like there is some small fraction of hope, that the pieces finally fit, another wave of darkness washes over and destroys it.

So why do I continually try ti put the pieces back together? Why do I feel numb to the world around me when my deepest connections are with it?

It feels like it's broken. The very brush that I used to paint my world has been splintered because of my neglect of it and now the very painting that I fought so hard to protect has been destroyed as well. And so when I am seen....I am numb.

-Shattered_Reality

Lost Hope

Sometimes I see the world as a whole bursting with life and other times I want to shut myself away and keep all my thoughts bottled up inside. This is because I am afraid of what others will think of me when I express how I truly feel. I'm afraid that they won't understand. I don't know, maybe it's because of my past that I am scared of the opinions of others, or maybe it is because of the fact that when it comes to expressing my inner-most self, I would rather hide from the problem, running from it, instead of face it. It's not that I'm scared that I will mess up what I'm doing, or mismanaged my feelings, it's that I'm afraid to be in front of people in general. I find that I cannot accurately depict how I feel or what I'm trying to say when people are watching me or just listening to me, even when I'm doing something that I love. So, when asked if I truly want to be a performer, well, yes, I would like that because I want others to hear me and know what I can do, but my answer would also be no, because I am afraid to be up there alone doing what I like to do and I am afraid of being judged or turning into something that I am not. So maybe I'm going about this all wrong.

I've been a good writer since I was very young because I was intentionally a solitary creature and writing just seemed like a good way to vent my feelings and soon it blossomed into one of my favorite past times, especially in the times when I was depressive and felt as if no-one in the world cared that I existed. My journals basically became my best friends in my times of need. These were the times when I felt that my friends had abandoned me, like they no longer cared whether I existed or not. Sometimes my own family seemed to forget about me. So, I was essentially a loner.

ON my own I found that there was no-one to hold me back, nor was there anyone to encourage me to progress forward and that allowed me to be my inner-most self. Just like when I do something I love; when I'm by myself it is easier and I"m not so afraid to work to accomplish it, so why do I feel this way? Why does it seem like all hope is lost?

-Shattered_Reality