There are questions without answers and answers that have nothing to do with the questions. However, if we do not ask we'll never know the answers that matter most. The thing is that we ofted fear what is unknown. We do not take the time to actually wonder if the unknown is actually a benefit to us.
-Shattered_Reality
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Feelings of Lesser Existance
Sometimes I feel as if I am nothing, nobody, a being without a name. The world stays it's course and continues on it's way. Everyone moved on, taking their different paths around me. I feel invisible and though my introverted nature makes me enjoy my solitude when I can get it , my thoughts often are too much for me, myself, to bear. Sometimes I hunger for the very thing I try to avoid. So how does it balance out? How can you have both?
-Shattered_Reality
-Shattered_Reality
Night Glimmer
We are a glimmer in the night, as if a fallen star into the dark abyss. It is the abyss filled by hatred, woe , and strife, and yet we stare into it with the purest of hopes, that finding something would make us once again all-together whole.
Through this abyss we find that life is a road with many branches, many paths which we may take though so many lead to our own destruction. We find that the road and it's paths are marked with the brambles of our uncertainty.
This is where we often encounter our greatest enemy though we often find that our greatest enemy is ourself. No greater enemy do we find in this world or any other than the face in the mirror.
-Shattered_Reality
Through this abyss we find that life is a road with many branches, many paths which we may take though so many lead to our own destruction. We find that the road and it's paths are marked with the brambles of our uncertainty.
This is where we often encounter our greatest enemy though we often find that our greatest enemy is ourself. No greater enemy do we find in this world or any other than the face in the mirror.
-Shattered_Reality
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Why?
I have sat here countless days and waited in the silence while others play their games and still they all look upon me like I am nothing more than a shadow on the wall, than something they should not see and yet I am still here.
I have been the one who was tossed aside and the one pushed away. I have been the one that no-one wanted. So, I am the one that was discarded.
This is what happens when on forsakes the life they once chose to live. This is what happens when someone walks away from everything they once chose to love just to try and live a new life, but no, that new life isn't good enough for them either because they realize that it is exactly the same, following the exact same pattern as the one before it. So, you see someone like me cannot get away from the hatred and the aloneness that comes with being the way that I am. I would rather reside with a small group of friends or alone rather than be the center of attention in this to be mortal world. Why?
I am afraid. I am afraid to speak my mind because others will look down upon me. I am afraid to do what I love in front of other people because I am sure that they will soon learn to hate me for my talents and I am afraid that I will never be strong enough to fight back when someone decides to force me into the fall.
-Shattered_Reality
I have been the one who was tossed aside and the one pushed away. I have been the one that no-one wanted. So, I am the one that was discarded.
This is what happens when on forsakes the life they once chose to live. This is what happens when someone walks away from everything they once chose to love just to try and live a new life, but no, that new life isn't good enough for them either because they realize that it is exactly the same, following the exact same pattern as the one before it. So, you see someone like me cannot get away from the hatred and the aloneness that comes with being the way that I am. I would rather reside with a small group of friends or alone rather than be the center of attention in this to be mortal world. Why?
I am afraid. I am afraid to speak my mind because others will look down upon me. I am afraid to do what I love in front of other people because I am sure that they will soon learn to hate me for my talents and I am afraid that I will never be strong enough to fight back when someone decides to force me into the fall.
-Shattered_Reality
Numb
What do you do when your heart feels like it's breaking every second of every day and not because of the relationship that you're in, because that's great, but because of everything you face in the world, the opposition, and the hatred?
It's like nothing matters when you feel like the world is falling apart around you, when you feel like your world is a painting painted on a thin sheet of glass that has been shattered into millions of tiny fragments that no one will ever be able to put back together and when there finally seems like there is some small fraction of hope, that the pieces finally fit, another wave of darkness washes over and destroys it.
So why do I continually try ti put the pieces back together? Why do I feel numb to the world around me when my deepest connections are with it?
It feels like it's broken. The very brush that I used to paint my world has been splintered because of my neglect of it and now the very painting that I fought so hard to protect has been destroyed as well. And so when I am seen....I am numb.
-Shattered_Reality
It's like nothing matters when you feel like the world is falling apart around you, when you feel like your world is a painting painted on a thin sheet of glass that has been shattered into millions of tiny fragments that no one will ever be able to put back together and when there finally seems like there is some small fraction of hope, that the pieces finally fit, another wave of darkness washes over and destroys it.
So why do I continually try ti put the pieces back together? Why do I feel numb to the world around me when my deepest connections are with it?
It feels like it's broken. The very brush that I used to paint my world has been splintered because of my neglect of it and now the very painting that I fought so hard to protect has been destroyed as well. And so when I am seen....I am numb.
-Shattered_Reality
Lost Hope
Sometimes I see the world as a whole bursting with life and other times I want to shut myself away and keep all my thoughts bottled up inside. This is because I am afraid of what others will think of me when I express how I truly feel. I'm afraid that they won't understand. I don't know, maybe it's because of my past that I am scared of the opinions of others, or maybe it is because of the fact that when it comes to expressing my inner-most self, I would rather hide from the problem, running from it, instead of face it. It's not that I'm scared that I will mess up what I'm doing, or mismanaged my feelings, it's that I'm afraid to be in front of people in general. I find that I cannot accurately depict how I feel or what I'm trying to say when people are watching me or just listening to me, even when I'm doing something that I love. So, when asked if I truly want to be a performer, well, yes, I would like that because I want others to hear me and know what I can do, but my answer would also be no, because I am afraid to be up there alone doing what I like to do and I am afraid of being judged or turning into something that I am not. So maybe I'm going about this all wrong.
I've been a good writer since I was very young because I was intentionally a solitary creature and writing just seemed like a good way to vent my feelings and soon it blossomed into one of my favorite past times, especially in the times when I was depressive and felt as if no-one in the world cared that I existed. My journals basically became my best friends in my times of need. These were the times when I felt that my friends had abandoned me, like they no longer cared whether I existed or not. Sometimes my own family seemed to forget about me. So, I was essentially a loner.
ON my own I found that there was no-one to hold me back, nor was there anyone to encourage me to progress forward and that allowed me to be my inner-most self. Just like when I do something I love; when I'm by myself it is easier and I"m not so afraid to work to accomplish it, so why do I feel this way? Why does it seem like all hope is lost?
-Shattered_Reality
I've been a good writer since I was very young because I was intentionally a solitary creature and writing just seemed like a good way to vent my feelings and soon it blossomed into one of my favorite past times, especially in the times when I was depressive and felt as if no-one in the world cared that I existed. My journals basically became my best friends in my times of need. These were the times when I felt that my friends had abandoned me, like they no longer cared whether I existed or not. Sometimes my own family seemed to forget about me. So, I was essentially a loner.
ON my own I found that there was no-one to hold me back, nor was there anyone to encourage me to progress forward and that allowed me to be my inner-most self. Just like when I do something I love; when I'm by myself it is easier and I"m not so afraid to work to accomplish it, so why do I feel this way? Why does it seem like all hope is lost?
-Shattered_Reality
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